In a way it was always ment to be like this. Wasnt it? I am the loneliness people feel. If I am not alone, how can I be?
But the darkness woke up. My hatred. My revenge. My demonic dream. I find my peace on music. Again. I am happy, when I listen to them. When it all ended, I couldnt find my haven. As I did so many times before.. I know what it means. But there is no turning back. In the end, you will feel it too. How a heart breaks because of loss.
"Still searching for my way, the right way to be
still pondering what I've done
I'm still thinking what I've said, still finding from within
and all that I know is still not enough"
Its the song I listen to right now. It makes.. an eerie kind of sense. Some people say they hate it when they are right. I sometimes do. My intuition shows me when something isnt the way it should be. Forces me to find out why. Its never enough.
"I'm being held by the one
shadow tormenting my soul
the curving neck of a swan
the slow turning of a birds head"
What saddens me the most is that its me. Im the one holding myself back. Trying to not step into that pure darkness that waits for me. Maybe I should give in? Become what I always wanted. Abandon all hope of being with someone. Abandon.. happiness. For ever. One day, I think I will take that step. So many tears.. so much blood. It will all be worth it. In the end, you will feel it too.
"Up the hill and the mountain
I look back, I look down
there flows the River of Death
and here the wind in my hair"
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